I've Lived

If you died tomorrow, how would you feel about your life?

Would you smile, and think about your achievements, loved ones, and memories?

Or is there a niggle of regret, a secret unfilled wish held deep within you?

I've been thinking about this a lot recently, not in the morbid sense, you understand, but as a constant question: will I regret having the chance to do this? It's guided my life for the past few years, and some of my greatest challenges have been overcome by the realisation I feared regret more than the thing itself. 

And, happily, I've realised that I'm pleased with where I am at. It's not perfect, I'm still battling my demons, and there's so much more I want to do, but I'm actually living the life I want to. This fills me with a deep gratitude: my family, for their encouragement and support; my friends near and far, who make the effort to keep in touch; and to the people who guide and fund these incredible opportunities.

Apathy terrifies me, which doesn't mean I don't experience it. Of course I do, sometimes I get lost in this sea of feeling like nothing is important. But it never lasts long, and I've realised that's it a part of life. The important point is that most of my life thrills me, and that I'm trying to follow the path that I want to take. It has meant many a sacrifice along the way, and I often question whether I made the right choice. Never being home for important events, both joyful and otherwise, is one of the more difficult aspects. The endless goodbyes, sometimes losing touch with incredibly important people out of fear of their opinion of my choices, these too are what I live with. 

But ultimately I can say right now that I am living a life where I say yes to virtually every opportunity. As someone who adores to travel the world, I am throwing myself into situations where I experience very different cultures. Ghana may have been challenging, but I won't spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I'd gone. 

I've lived. 

1 comment:

  1. I enjoyed your comments, there seems more balance ,the head and the heart seem to have an acknowledgement each other exists, and find a neutral resting point without having to fight each other , it's a really good position to be in , good for you !!!


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